Christmas Phone Calls
by Sydella
Summary: The title says it all. Our beloved KHR Mafiosi celebrate Christmas with varying degrees of success.


**For a Rainy Day**

Ring, ring.

"HELLO?" Squalo screamed into the receiver, speaking even louder than usual so he could be heard over the commotion his teammates were making.

Yamamoto winced. "Good evening to you, too."

"Oh, it's you, brat." Squalo calmed down. "Hold on. I'll go somewhere quieter."

There was a series of rustling and clattering sounds, then the noise in the background faded away. "Okay, I'm in my room," Squalo said presently. "It's the only quiet part of Varia headquarters right now, really. So why are you calling?"

"Nothing much, I just wanted to wish you a merry Christmas." With athletic ease, Yamamoto swerved to avoid fellow commuters as he navigated the streets of Tokyo, mobile phone pressed to his right ear.

Squalo paused. "Wait, it's Christmas already?"

"Well, yeah." Yamamoto stared up at a billboard advertisement for a gentlemen's club. SEXY SHOW ALL NIGHT! BABES OF ALL KINDS! HAVE A GOOD TIME! the advertisement proudly proclaimed. Turning away, he began to cross a road in the heart of the city. "Didn't you know that?"

"No. I've been so busy lately, I suppose I lost track of time." Squalo sat on his bed. "Anyway, I know that's not why you're calling me. Get to the point, kid."

Yamamoto smiled ruefully. "I can't keep any secrets from you, can I?"

"Of course not. I'm your tutor. It's my job to notice these things."

Yamamoto hesitated outside a shop, then went in. Glancing around at the products on sale, he waved away a hovering salesgirl and walked further into the shop. "Well, I'm buying a gift for someone very important to me. I'd like your input."

"What is this, World Sentimental Day?" Squalo demanded irritably. "Just get her a bouquet of roses. Women love that sort of thing."

Yamamoto sighed. "Actually, I'm talking about a guy."

"Oh. _Oh._" A meaningful pause ensued, then: "In that case, buy him a suit."

"But he already has a lot of suits." Yamamoto watched an elderly couple browse through a rack of dressing gowns. They shared a laugh with the ease of people who know each other inside out. Yamamoto wondered why his heart sank as he watched them.

"I'm guessing that he's also in the Mafia?" Squalo said in the cautious tone of someone who doesn't want to seem like he's prying.

"Yup." The couple left and Yamamoto wandered to another section of the shop.

"Since he's in the Mafia, he can never have too many suits," Squalo said briskly. "If you give him one and he doesn't appreciate it, he probably doesn't know what he's doing."

Yamamoto chuckled. "Thanks, Squalo. What would I do without you?"

"Nothing, because you're naïve." Through Squalo's bedroom door, the sounds of quarrelsome assassins fighting each other were audible. "I have to go now. See you, brat."

"Okay." A click, followed by the dial tone. Yamamoto pocketed his phone, and with an expression of utmost determination, made a beeline for the menswear section.

Meanwhile, in Italy, Squalo was just in time to prevent Leviathan and Belphegor from killing each other. As he mediated between his murderous teammates, he made a mental note to stop trying to set Yamamoto up with swordswomen.

**Father**

Ring, ring.

"Hello, CEDEF Headquarters," Iemitsu said tiredly. He was aware that his voice was hoarse but couldn't bring himself to care. Too many late nights filled with paperwork and fuelled by copious amounts of coffee meant that professionalism temporarily took a backseat.

"Dad?" The unmistakable clear, young voice of his son said.

"Tsuna! My cute son finally has time to call his old man." Iemitsu laughed, some of his stress melting away. "How ya doin', kiddo?"

"Not bad. Mum's out with Lambo and I-Pin, so at least the house is quiet for now."

Iemitsu tried to do a spin in his swivel chair, but had to stop when stars swam in front of his eyes. "That's good. You keep working hard, yeah? You'll be in third year before you know it, then it's on to high school, and university…" Iemitsu sniffled. "My little boy's growing up so fast."

"Dad, please stop. You're embarrassing me," Tsuna mumbled, but he didn't sound as displeased as his words indicated. "Will you be coming home for Christmas?" the boy asked hopefully.

"I don't know." Iemitsu frowned as Oregano appeared in his office doorway and mouthed "Important client" at him. "Tsuna, I'm sorry but I have to get back to work. Tell your mum I love her."

Tsuna opened his mouth to reply, but the call promptly ended. He gently placed the phone back in its cradle and looked at Reborn, who was sitting nearby and had been listening to Tsuna's end of the conversation. The Arcobaleno raised an eyebrow and Tsuna shook his head.

"I know he's busy, but there really is no excuse for him not to spend time with his family," Reborn said bluntly.

"You're telling me?" Tsuna sighed as he picked Reborn up and held the Arcobaleno in his arms.

The two watched snow fall outside Tsuna's window, neither of them speaking again until Nana, Lambo and I-Pin returned.

**Otherwise Engaged**

Ring, ring.

"Hello?" Lal Mirch said breathlessly. She had been in the middle of an intensive workout at COMSUBIN's state-of-the-art gym.

"Hello, darling," her fiancé, Colonello, purred. "You sound like you're out of breath. I can only hope it's because you're excited to hear from me."

Lal Mirch blushed furiously and almost dropped the phone. "You idiot, you've never had any delicacy. I suppose you think you're cool, calling me up like this? Well, y-you're not!"

"Is that so? Then why are you stammering?" Colonello's voice gentled. "I'm just teasing. I hope you're doing okay. Please don't overexert yourself."

"You're so overprotective." She was touched, which took the sting out of her words. Towelling the sweat off her brow, she asked in a small voice, "Would you like to visit me? I mean, you haven't been back here for so long, and I really want to see you."

"I'll try to, Lal." Colonello sounded pained. "Especially since it's Christmas. But CEDEF is really swamped with work right now. I'll have to ask Iemitsu if I can take a few days off."

"I understand." Her temples throbbed and she reached up to massage them. "I'll mail you a present if you really can't make it."

"Awesome." Muffled voices spoke in the background. "What? Now?" Colonello distractedly asked someone, then came back on the line. "Let's talk later, I have to attend a meeting in ten minutes."

"Okay. Ciao."

"Ciao," Colonello said warmly, and hung up.

Lal Mirch looked at the phone in her hand for a moment and smiled wanly.

**Misty-eyed**

Ring, ring.

"Hello," Mukuro said calmly. Or rather, he _sounded _calm, although he actually wasn't. He had been deceived (although Sawada Tsunayoshi would probably use the word 'persuaded') into attending a Mafia party. In his defence, he had believed it would be an opportunity to gather valuable information. Instead, the other partygoers were getting drunk, violating his personal space, or both. Shoving away a red-faced Hibari Kyouya (under any other circumstances, Mukuro would have found the sight amusing), he asked, "Who is this?" He didn't recognise the number.

"Nyu. Merry Christmas. It's me," the sole female member of Byakuran's gang, Bluebell, croaked, hiccupping.

"Bluebell, right?" Mukuro glanced over at Shoichi Irie, who was bellowing into a microphone about loving someone all night long. "I'm sure your boss would be very interested to know that his best friend sings terribly when he's drunk."

"Who cares about that Shoichi guy?" Bluebell huffed. "I wanna talk to _you_. The Kokuuuuyooooo-" she trailed off and began muttering unintelligible nonsense.

"Are you drunk?" Mukuro asked, amused.

"No! Not drunk! Not at all!" Bluebell wailed. Kikyo's voice murmured in the background, "Bluebell-chan, you should lie down for a while. You look ill."

"I'm not ill!" she protested, but then her voice was suddenly replaced with Byakuran's. "My apologies, Mukuro-kun," Byakuran said smoothly. "Bluebell seems to have indulged herself a little too much."

"Yes, I figured that out," Mukuro said drily. "I'll hang up now, shall I?"

"By all means."

Mukuro rolled his eyes and pressed the "end call" button with a little more force than was strictly necessary. A giggling Chrome stumbled past; he gently made her sit down until her head cleared. It was going to be a long night.

**Horsing Around**

Ring, ring.

"Yeah?" Squalo said by way of greeting, recognising Dino's number.

"Merry Christmas," Dino said cheerfully. "How's it going?"

"Not well," Squalo muttered, glancing at Leviathan and Belphegor, who were sulking and playing video games respectively. "At least no one has died yet."

"That's always a plus."

Squalo smirked. "I suppose so."

Romario arrived with a pile of documents for Dino to read and sign. Dino sighed and nodded curtly at his right-hand man. "These conversations never last as long as I'd like. I have paperwork to deal with now, but how about we celebrate New Year's Eve together?"

"Sure, if I can get away from work." Squalo accepted a cookie from Lussuria, who was drifting around handing out desserts like a flamboyant version of Santa Claus. "Well, far be it from me to keep a don from his paperwork. Ciao."

Dino laughed. "Ciao."

Squalo put his phone away and watched Lussuria fuss over the children (Bel and Mammon) until Xanxus entered the room and ordered everyone to go to bed.

**A Tale of Two No-Good Mafia Bosses**

Ring, ring.

"Hello," Enma said quietly, stroking one of the many stray cats he had taken under his wing.

"Merry Christmas, Enma-kun!" Tsuna chirped. "Would you like to come over? Some people are a little drunk by now, but I promise it'll be fun!"

Enma perked up upon hearing Tsuna's voice. "I'd love to! But, um…" he glanced over his shoulder at Adelheid, who was arguing with Julie. "I think I should spend time with my family this year. You know, a Shimon gathering."

"Oh." Tsuna sounded so disappointed that Enma rushed to reassure him.

"Next year, Tsunayoshi-kun, I'll definitely be there."

"Great!" Tsuna exclaimed. "I bought a present for you."

"Thank you!" Enma's eyes filled with tears of happiness and he vigorously wiped them away, wondering why he was suddenly so emotional. "I didn't get you anything. I'm so sorry."

"No, I don't mind at all!" There was a crashing noise on Tsuna's end. "Whoops. Dr Shamal almost made me drop my phone. I think I'd better stop him from bothering all the women here."

"Who's Shamal?" Enma asked curiously, but then Adelheid yelled "Oh gods, Julie, what do you think you're doing?" and the sound of an explosion reached Enma's ears.

"Tsunayoshi-kun, I have to stop my family before they blow up my house," Enma said hastily. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"I know how that feels." Tsuna pinched the bridge of his nose. "Okay, see you."

Enma rushed back into the Shimon residence and Tsuna called out to the perverted Shamal, who, in his drunken state, mistook Tsuna for a girl and tried to grope the young Vongola boss. Tsuna's Guardians rushed over and gave the hapless doctor a good thrashing, deaf to the protests of their boss. Even Mukuro joined in. While this was happening, Enma forbade Adelheid and Julie from speaking to each other for the rest of the day, and had to enlist the help of his cats in cleaning up the mess Julie had caused.

**The Ninth and So On**

Ring, ring.

"Hello?" Timoteo said. His Guardians milled around, exchanging gossip. It was such a comfortable and familiar scene, a bunch of old men spending time together in their golden years. And if the guns tucked away in their jackets and overcoats served as painful reminders of the crimes they had committed in their youth and continued to commit, at least the ambience of the hotel they were staying at took their minds off things and they were already looking forward to retirement.

"Greetings, Vongola Ninth," an unfamiliar voice said pleasantly.

"Who is this?" Timoteo asked, instantly on his guard. Like any other competent Mafia don, he was supposed to be untraceable. His Guardians came closer, listening intently to the conversation as Timoteo put the call on speakerphone.

"My name is Kawahira," the caller went on. "I have had the pleasure of meeting your successor."

"Decimo?"

"Indeed," Kawahira confirmed. "I hope you will have a very merry Christmas, honourable ninth boss of the Vongola. You won't be hearing from me again, nor will little Decimo, for that matter. I expect great things from the Vongola in the years to come, even after I ascend into the afterlife. Goodbye."

Kawahira disconnected, and when Timoteo tried calling back, there was nothing but an eerie silence.

"That was strange," his right-hand man and Storm Guardian, Coyote Nougat, remarked.

"Very." Timoteo steepled his fingers and reclined in his seat, lost in thought. A white-haired, bespectacled child wearing a kimono ran in their direction, heading for a room behind them, and the men hastily parted to let her through.

The child paused on the threshold and turned to look at them, beaming. "Thank you! Merry Christmas! My dad sends his greetings from Hell."

**Author's Note: Christmas is around the corner, so I really wanted to write a Christmassy story.**

…**I honestly don't quite know why this story ends on such a creepy note. It just feels right to me, to end it like that. You've probably figured it out by now, but I'll write it anyway for clarification: yes, the white-haired child is Kawahira's daughter, who was briefly alluded to in canon at some point.**


End file.
